Hard Bargains

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Hard Bargains
Goal Lrrr.png
Details
Story type
Main Goal
Event
Lrrr Strikes Back
Previous Goal
The Anti-Omicron Force


Part 1

Description[edit source]

Lrrr sends his UFOs.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Lrrr I am confused. I know the Earthicans are weak, but I'm pretty sure they have more than four people in their army.

Ndnd Do you not get it Lrrr? They do not take you seriously! They are laughing at your threats!

Lrrr The I shall show them how Lrrr treats those who do not fear his wrath!

Ndnd You're going to tell them "Yes, dear" and quietly take out the garbage?


Lrrr Omicronian ships are now patrolling the streets of New New York -- a tactic sure to force them into hiding!

Ndnd Or they can just use the subways, Mr. Tactical Genius.

Lrrr EMPEROR Tactical Genius!

Ndnd Emperor? Please. You're an elected executive. And you're polling in the low 30s.


Part 2

Description[edit source]

Professor requests backup.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

The Professor My crew's been fighting the Omicronians alone this whole time. When are we getting backup?

Nixon Agnew Don't you worry. Backup is coming. In the form of a motivational speech from your ruler.

The Professor Ruler? Please. You're an elected executive. And you're polling in the low 30s.

Nixon Agnew But I'm about to make a speech about aliens ruining our country. That kind of scare tactic always boosts my positives!


Nixon Agnew It looks like the troops were energized after my speech. Agnew, give yourself a pat on the back.

The Professor I suspect they were mainly energized by the bottles of 15-Hour Energy I gave them.

Nixon Agnew You mean we've got a stadium full of hopped-up grunts with nothing to do? We can't waste an opportunity like that!

Nixon Agnew Print up and distribute 50,000 cards that form a mosaic picture of me.


Part 3

Description[edit source]

Lrrr declares a curfew

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Lrrr People of Earth, I am declaring a mandatory curfew! You must return to your homes by 8 PM -- just in time to watch "Single Female Lawyer" reruns!

Bender You can't do that! I've got a social life to maintain!

Lrrr Perhaps you can learn something from Single Female Lawyer, the woman who has everything but feels nothing.

Bender I already feel nothing! But I WOULD like to have everything, so I'll give it a shot.


Bachelor Fry Why are you indoors when there's so much darkness outside to cover your actions?

Bender Because of Lrrr and his stupid curfew. Nobody's allowed out at night until we surrender or hand you over to him.

Bachelor Fry You don't think it's enough to make anyone rat me out, do you?

Bender Don't worry, buddy, I'll "protect" you.

Bachelor Fry Those quote marks were so loud I could hear them!


Part 4

Description[edit source]

Nixon makes a deal.

Objectives

  • Have Bachelor Fry Take a Hobo Nap (6h 0m 0s)
  • Have Amy Eavesdrop (5h 0m 0s)
  • Defeat 15 Omicronian Birds

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Nixon Agnew Listen, Lrrr, as one elected executive to another... If I bring you Fry's head, will you stop the invasion?

Lrrr Your offer is intriguingly two-faced...

Nixon Agnew I can bring it any way you want. On a stick, or a silver platter...

Lrrr I prefer the traditional Omicronian presentation -- inside a bowling-ball bag.


Amy Stop right there, Nixon! Word n the street is that you're planning to turn Fry over to Lrrr. I won't let you get away with it!

Nixon Agnew Look, Missy, nobody but Woodward and Bernstein ever stopped me from getting away with anything! So unless you work for the Washington Post...

Amy I don't, and you know it!

Nixon Agnew That calls for an "arroo"!

Amy However, my father does own it.


Part 5

Description[edit source]

Amy starts a smear campaign.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Amy Look, Fry, Nixon intends to hand you over to Lrrr. But don't worry. I have a plan to smear him in the press.

Bachelor Fry But he brags about doing horrible things all the time! He's pretty much smearproof!

Amy If you stick to the facts, yes. But I intend to make up false stories about him and leak them to the liberal media.

Bachelor Fry That's brilliant! The liberal media will print anything, no matter how false it is, as long as it makes the president look bad!

Bachelor Fry God bless them.


Amy I just uploaded a video portraying Nixon as a Robot Devil worshipper.

The Professor By "Robot Devil worshipper." you mean a man who worships the Robot Devil, or a robot who worships the real devil?

Amy I don't know. Whichever one's worse. CNN will know how to spin it.


Part 6

Description[edit source]

Malfunctioning Eddie pleads for help

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Bender Wassup, Malfunctioning Eddie? How's the car business?

Malfunctioning Eddie Lousy. See that Omicronian ship hovering right over my lot? They're scaring people away! You gotta help me take 'em down. Bender.

Bender I'd like to, but the Omicronians Are pretty much invincible.

Malfunctioning Eddie THEY ARE??!!

Malfunctioning Eddie [...]


Bender Good news, Eddie! When your head exploded, the shrapnel destroyed the Omicronian ship menacing your dealership!

Malfunctioning Eddie Hallelujah! I'm back in business!

Bender Not entirely. The ship crashed right on top of your new inventory.

Malfunctioning Eddie [...]

Bender Nice shot! Two for two!

Bender Annnnd there go the used cars.


Part 7

Description[edit source]

Lrrr does damage control.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Ndnd Lrrr, listen! The Earthican Nixon who promised to surrender Fry is a Robot Devil worshipper! It was on the news!

Lrrr Was it CNN? Because they always get everything exactly right. Plus they have informative infographics.

Ndnd Yes, they had a 3-D animated chart showing all the image-conscious politicians who were abandoning Nixon.

Lrrr Well, that's a group I don't want to be left out of. Tell Nixon the deal is off!


Ndnd I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the anti-Omicronian rebellion seems to be succeeding.

Lrrr Funny: you seem to enjoy being the bearer of bad news. In any care, they cannot prevail. I've got a foolproof secret strategy up my sleeve.

Ndnd You don't have sleeves, remember? You had me remove them because you thought it would make your biceps look bigger!

Ndnd Yet another one of your "foolproof secret strategies" that didn't pan out.

See also[edit | edit source]