The End of the Kajigger

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The End of the Kajigger
Goal Hattie McDoogal.png
Details
Story type
Character Goal
Event
Lrrr Strikes Back
Previous Goal
Hattie in Hand


Part 1

Description[edit source]

Hattie writes a will.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Hattie McDoogal This universe is going to hell in a handbasket! I've decided to cut my losses and move whatchacallit. On.

Fry Hattie, no! You can't kill yourself! What will become of the tenants in your apartment building?

Hattie McDoogal Half of them are frozen in Hypnowaves, and the other half are late with the rent. Kajigger 'em all!

Hattie McDoogal Screw.


Hattie McDoogal I looked up how to write a will and I left all my money to my cats.

Fry How'd you get past the "being of sound mind and body" part?

Hattie McDoogal Asterisks and footnotes, smartass!


Part 2

Description[edit source]

Hattie looks for a cat sitter.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Amy Hey, Hattie, I heard you're thinking of going all "Thirteen Reasons Why" on us.

Hattie McDoogal Damn right, missy. Will you take care of my cats after I'm gone?

Amy Er... I'd like to, but I'm afraid my apartment building has a no-pets policy.

Hattie McDoogal A no-WHAT whosit? Is there NO shred of decency left in this world?!


Amy Are you feeling any better now, Hattie?

Hattie McDoogal I'm sorry I flew off the handle there, Chinese Martian lady. It's just -- I don't want to live anymore, but I can't leave my cats to fend for themselves. [SNIFF]

Hattie McDoogal Most of 'em have never held a job in their lives.

Hattie McDoogal Emmeline gets a pension from when she was Assistant District Attorney, but the rest would be helpless without me.


Part 3

Description[edit source]

Hattie spends quality time.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Hattie McDoogal You! Robot-man! Will you take care of several dozen cats after I end it all?

Bender Cats, eh? If I recall correctly, those belong to the family of crap-producing mammals.

Hattie McDoogal Shut your mouth! That's how they show their whatchacallit! Love!

Bender If that's true of all mammals, I need to reevaluate my relationship with Fry.


Bender Look, lady, I don't care if you're offing yourself. There's no way I'm taking care of a couple dozen furballs.

Hattie McDoogal Figuers. Your appartment building probably wouldn't have allowed 'em anyhow.

Bender You mean if I kept your cats I'd be breaking the rules?

Bender Now you're talking. Give 'em here!


Part 4

Description[edit source]

Hattie plans a trip.

Objectives

Rewards[edit source]

  • 50 Weed 75 XP

Story[edit | edit source]

Hattie McDoogal There's just one last thing I promised myself I'd do before I killed myself: visit Branson, Missouri.

The Professor Oh, you'll love it there. Every dinner buffet is all-you-can-eat, discounted for seniors, and over by 6:15pm.

Hattie McDoogal Really? Maybe I should wait and go there after I die!


Hattie McDoogal I just rode one of them hovering kajiggers to Branson, Missouri and back.

Fry Did you like it?

Hattie McDoogal Like it? It gave me something to live for! It turns out this beautiful land is full of third-rate resort cities with fourth-rate entertainment! Branson... Laughlin, Nevada... Pigeon Forge, Tennessee...

Hattie McDoogal And then I can start all over again at the beginning!

See also[edit | edit source]