| The Trickiest Dick | |
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| Details | |
Story type |
Character Goal |
Event |
Independence Day Weekend |
The Trickiest Dick is the character goal of Nixon and Agnew. They were available for purchase shortly after Futurama: Worlds of Tomorrow began, during the Independence Day Weekend event.
Part 1
Description
- Nixon tries to clear his name.
Objectives
- Have Nixon Give Speech ()
Rewards
- 300
200 
Story
Professor, Headless Agnew and I are on a mission to restore my reputation. Can you help?
I don't see how. You're the second most corrupt person to occupy the presidency.
Second? That's already an improvement! Who knocked me out of the top spot?
Excellent question. Nobody can even remember his name anymore.
I just checked my poll numbers. My popularity has increased by ten points.
That sounds like GOOD NEWS! What's it at?
Ten percent.
Part 2
Description
- Nixon destroys evidence.
Objectives
- Have Nixon Shred Documents ()
Rewards
- 300
200
Story
If I'm going to clear my name, I'll need to destroy some evidence. Can you help, Scruffy?
Don't particularly care for you personally, Nixon, but you did open up China, so okay.
Good man. Tell you what -- I'll appoint you ambassador to anywhere you like.
I choose the planet of them Green Dancing Girls. Mm-hmm.
Thank to you, I've gotten rid of all physical evidence that paints me as a crook.
What about everything on the internet?
Dammit! I hadn't thought of that. You can't shred the entire internet!
Sure you can. You just need to appoint the right FCC Chairman.
Part 3
Description
- Nixon is accused.
Objectives
Rewards
- 300 200
Story
Mr. President, everyone's saying you destroyed all the evidence of your crimes. Is that true?
Ridiculous! There's no evidence I've destroyed any evidence! Right?
But... Ow! Head hurt!... but there's no evidence you HAVEN'T destroyed all the evidence, either!
Good point. I'll manufacture some evidence that I haven't destroyed any evidence. That should satisfy you!
Sorry, Mr. President, I should've known you're not a crook. It says so right there on your burglar's mask.
And for your honest gullibility, I've decided not to involve you any further in my shenanigans.
So you won't have Philip Fry to kick around any more?
Arrooo! That's my line!
Part 4
Description
- Nixon appeals to voters.
Objectives
Rewards
- 300 200
Story
Miss, can I count on your vote when I inevitably run for reelection?
I'm young, so obviously, I don't vote. I'm too rich to vote. I make my political opinions heard through dark money campaign contributions.
What would it take for you to consider helping out the campaign of an old unindicted co-conspirator?
Not much. How about Ambassador to Mars?
That's for the donation. Funny, you don't look martian.
Because you don't see a little green man?
No, because I don't see the big green checkbook.
Part 5
Description
- Nixon makes an apology.
Objectives
Rewards
- 300 200
Story
Remember me? I'm the robot whose body you stole to win that election.
Bah! That robot body didn't get me a single additional vote.
No way. I know at least six voting machines it had its way with.
Let's start over. I'm sorry for stealing your worthless body.
That's the worst apology I've ever heard. Try again!
Oh, alright. Er... pardon me.
What do I look like, Gerald Ford?
Part 6
Description
- Nixon deals with the authorities
Objectives
Rewards
- 300 200
Story
Did I just see you breaking and entering a particular premises, Mr. President?
It's not illegal when the president does it.
I believe that particular statement is false...
It's not false when the president says it. I can keep going if you'd like...
Because your reputation is secure, I'm going to let you off with a warning.
Did you say my reputation was secure in spite of my slipping you a hundred Nixonbucks.
No, I said your reputation was secure BECAUSE you slipped me a hundred Nixonbucks. Aw yeah.